When Our Top Strength Becomes Our Worst Enemy, Ready To Crush Us

“Know and focus on your strengths,” they say. If only it were that simple.

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to hold several self-awareness workshops. I started the workshops by giving each participant a piece of paper and a pen. Their task was to write down five strengths and five weaknesses.

Without fail, everyone would quickly jot down their weaknesses, often exceeding the requested number. However, when listing their strengths, most struggled to come up with more than three.

This experience made me realise how challenging it is for people to know and focus on their strengths, even if that is the foundation of success. It felt like an unmovable task, ready to crush them.

We tend to have a negative bias towards ourselves, always believing the worst. This creates another problem — our unwillingness to acknowledge the truth about our own strengths.

When we do manage to identify our strengths, we can easily fall into the trap of thinking we have it all figured out, neglecting that even our greatest strengths can become our worst enemies, capable of overwhelming and crushing us beneath their weight.

Allow me to explain myself.

One of my personal (and biggest) strengths is my compassionate heart.

Being a Counsellor and Relationship Coach, my understanding and caring nature helps people feel safe and connected in a way where we can really get to the core issues they need to deal with to find healing from their painful pasts. It also builds trust, allowing me to have input that would otherwise be unthinkable.

So beyond a shadow of a doubt, my compassionate heart is a strength that helps many people to find permanent healing.

So how can I dare to suggest that this tremendous strength, helping so many to find healing, is also my worst enemy, wishing to crush me?

Previously, having a compassionate heart has brought me to a place of emotional burnout because I feel deeply with others and am more emotionally affected by their suffering and pain.

Many nights, I would lie awake, wondering what else I could do to help those suffering and hurting. I felt compelled to take on other people’s problems or burdens, even at the expense of my well-being. Leading to a place of compassion fatigue and emotional distress. Not even to mention that I would place my dreams and desires on hold to help those who need me.

Yes, a lot of it was rooted in my inability to put boundaries in place, further rooted in my low self-esteem, which has improved tremendously (#using the word previously). But that is a topic for a different day.

The point I want to make is this:

If we do not know our strengths and how they influence us, they can even lead to our destruction. Leaving us overwhelmed and in a state of complete desperation.

Understanding our strengths is significant, yet it pales to comprehending their influence on us.

Knowing our strengths and how they influence us will give us an undeniable advantage to succeed and achieve the desired outcomes we want to see in our lives.

And yes, weaknesses can influence our self-esteem and self-confidence. But weaknesses are often times because of a lack of knowledge or skills, which can be fixed with the right mindset, dedication, learning and acquiring new skills.

Strengths are no different. It can either boost or destroy our view of ourselves. Depending on our ability to see the impact it has on us and manage it correctly.

Agreeably so, knowing and focusing on our strengths and weaknesses is not easy.

It requires self-awareness, introspection, and a willingness to confront our strengths and weaknesses.

We must be aware that our strengths can be double-edged swords, capable of lifting us up or dragging us down if not managed properly. We must be cautious of the potential pitfalls and challenges they can present, just as we strive to enhance their positive impact.

Just as our weaknesses, our strengths must be managed and channelled in a way that serves our well-being and helps us achieve our desired outcomes. In doing so, we will navigate life with greater clarity and balance.

Ultimately, the key lies in finding harmony between our strengths and weaknesses. This balanced approach allows us to navigate the complexities of life with resilience, confidence, and authenticity.

So, take the time to explore your strengths, understand how they shape you, and uncover the potential challenges they may pose.

Embrace your weaknesses, and celebrate them, knowing that they can be changed if we put our minds to it.

Remember, it is in knowing and embracing our strengths, weaknesses, and how they influence us that we unlock our true potential and lead a life of purpose and fulfilment.

Talk again soon

Belinda Pieterse — ReDefine