Freedom in any relationship comes from knowing and understanding yourself first.

So many times, we look at other people and desperately want them to instinctively know what is going on in our heads and hearts, what we need and how to give it to us.

Yet, we struggle to know this for ourselves, which makes this expectation unrealistic and undeniably unfair.

Putting this expectation on the shoulders of those around us brings unnecessary frustration and friction to any relationships.

The only fair and realistic way for another person to know what is going on in the depths of our heads and hearts is if we communicate it to them.

To do this, we need to get to know and understand ourselves better.

What does freedom-bringing self-awareness look like?

Self-awareness is not only a superficial knowledge of our likes and dislikes, our strengths and weaknesses or our personality type.

Self-awareness is so much more.

It is an in-depth knowledge of why we think and feel the way we do and how it governs our view of ourselves and ultimately influences how we approach and do this thing called life.

Meaningful and helpful self-awareness is knowing and understanding the real reason behind our every thought, feeling and move we make.

Then and only then will we be able to propel our relationship with ourselves and others into a new, deeper and more satisfying direction.

How do we grow our self-awareness?

For us to grow our self-awareness, there are a few crucial things we need to remember.

• Self-awareness is a skill, and all of us can learn how to become more self-aware.
• We must put the time aside to reflect on our thoughts, feelings, actions and the real reason behind them.
• Growing our self-awareness doesn’t come naturally. We need to be intentional about it.
• Being brutally honest with yourself is perhaps the most important in developing a deeper and more solid understanding of yourself.
• Because we are not robots and life happens, self-awareness is a life-long process, and we need to keep at it consistently.

The way we grow a more solid understanding of ourselves.

As I already mentioned, self-awareness is much more than knowing what you like and dislike, your strengths and weaknesses and your personality type. All of that is fantastic as it develops a baseline to know yourself.

However, understanding yourself, the intricate parts of your thinking, feeling and doing, requires a different approach. And it starts with us making friends with hard questions.

Here are some questions you need to start seeing as your best friend.

• Where does this thought or feeling come from — what triggered it?
• How does the thought or feeling affect my behaviour?
• Why does it affect my behaviour in that specific way?
• What is the core belief about myself and the world around me formed by this thought or feeling
• And finally, how does the way I see myself influence my relationships?

It might seem like an unnecessary and time-consuming task, but believe me that every second you spend will save you a lifetime of disappointment, frustration, anger and resentment.

I learned the importance of this the hard way.

How does self-awareness help us to fight frustration and friction in our relationships?

Remember that I said the only fair and realistic way for another person to know what is going on in the depths of our heads and hearts is if we communicate it to them?

And that is why we need to take the step and grow our self-awareness. Not only knowing everything about ourselves but also understanding ourselves.

Knowing and understanding ourselves will help us to:

• Tell the other person what is causing frustration and friction in our relationship
• Tell the other person why it is making us unhappy and even angry
• With the help of the other person, find a workable solution to the problem
• Ask the other person to help with what we need to change in ourselves and our relationship

The benefits of being able to communicate all the above are endless. But here are some of them:

• Feeling heard and understood in your relationships
• Understand the value you bring to relationships
• Confidently build and cultivate healthy relationships
• Have a clear direction in your relationships
• Reduce stress from relationships
• Be highly motivated to take your relationships in a New Direction
• Have a happier life

Takeaway

Self-awareness is a crucial skill we need to master.

Without a deep and solid understanding of ourselves, we can easily allow the world to define us, and we will struggle to navigate our path in this life successfully.

There is not a single area in our lives that can not benefit from us growing our self-awareness, not one.

Make the decision today to grow your self-awareness and experience new-found freedom in your relationships and life.

Talk again soon

Belinda Pieterse — ReDefine