Meaningful Connections Are Essential To Our Well-being And Happiness.

As human beings, we crave connection and community. We seek relationships that bring us joy, comfort, and a sense of belonging.

However, not all relationships are created equal. Some are superficial and fleeting, while others are deep and lasting.

Deep connections in a relationship are established through emotional and behavioural factors, which are driven by our value set.

To establish and maintain these meaningful connections, we must be capable of understanding and aligning our values in relationships.

Values are the foundational building blocks of who we are. They shape our perception of both ourselves and the world around us. Our values govern our decisions and actions and influence everything in our relationship, from how we communicate to how we show up in relationships.

Despite the significant role our values play in shaping our lives, it is astonishing how few individuals can accurately identify them with confidence.

This lack of self-understanding can leave us without purpose or direction, merely existing in our relationships. It can lead to frustration, conflict, and even distance, causing us to retreat and lose our ability to be authentic, open, and honest with each other. This is when relationships become superficial and fleeting.

Disagreements in relationships generally have their root in values that are not aligned or respected. When we are unsure what our values are, we will find it very difficult to communicate or identify the root cause of the disagreement.

Then relationships become stressful and strenuous. The opposite of healthy and happy, which our hearts desire for our relationships.

So how do we move our relationship from stressful and strenuous to healthy and happy?

The answer is to know and understand ourselves better, starting with discovering the value set that fundamentally defines who we are and how we approach every area of life.

Here are some guidelines you can follow to discover your value set.

Consider your role models — Role models can be individuals or groups of people we admire and respect for their qualities and actions. When we consider our role models, we often observe the actions they take and the decisions they make.

We may ask ourselves;

• Why do I admire this person?
• What qualities or values do they possess that I find inspiring?

These questions can help us to identify the values that we hold in high regard.

Identifying your priorities — When we prioritize something, we regard it as more significant than other things. To identify our priorities, we can ask ourselves;

• What do I spend the most time and energy on?
• What are the things that I can not live without?
• What brings me the most joy and fulfilment?

By answering these questions, we can identify the areas of our lives that we prioritize. Once we have identified our priorities, we can examine why they are important and how it links to our values. For example, if we prioritize spending time with our family, we may discover that we value connection and relationships.

Consider what motivates and inspires you — The things that motivate and inspire us are often closely linked to our values and what we consider significant in life. Motivation and inspiration often resonate deeply with our heart’s desires. To identify what motivates and inspires us, we can reflect on the activities, people, and experiences that bring us the most joy and fulfilment. For example, if we are motivated by helping others, we may value compassion and service. If we are inspired by creativity, self-expression and innovation may be of great value to us.

Examine your behaviours — Our behaviours reflect the values we hold because our values guide our decisions and actions. Every choice and action is a direct result of our beliefs and what we value. Whether we are consciously aware of it or not. By examining our behaviours and evaluating why we act in a certain way, we can identify the underlying values driving us.

Consider your dislikes — By examining our dislikes and asking ourselves why we find certain things distasteful or uncomfortable, we can gain insight into the values that underlie those feelings. This can help us to identify and clarify our values and to make more intentional choices that align with those values. Additionally, knowing our dislikes can help us to identify areas of our lives where our values may not be fully expressed, allowing us to make changes and live a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

Evaluate your goals — The goals we set for ourselves reflect our deepest desires and beliefs. When we take the time to reflect on our goals and ask why we have them, we can uncover the underlying values that are driving us. For example, if our goal is to become financially independent, it may reflect our value of security and stability. If our goal is to travel the world, it may reflect our value of exploration and adventure.

These guidelines will take you to a deeper level of self-awareness about the value set governing your entire life and will help you to:

• Have open and honest communication about what is important to you and what is not.
• Be emotionally vulnerable as you know your thoughts and feelings regarding certain aspects, and you will be able to put them into words and share them.
• Develop mutual respect in your relationship because you understand their opinions, boundaries, and individuality.

All these are crucial elements in building a strong and healthy connection in our relationship.

By taking the time to discover our values and understand how they guide our decisions and behaviours, we can make intentional choices in our relationships that align with our deepest desires and beliefs.

On the other hand, without a clear understanding of our values, we can become directionless and lose our ability to communicate authentically and openly with those we love.

Understanding and aligning our values, especially in our relationship, is crucial to building meaningful connections and fostering healthy and happy relationships.

So, take the time to discover your values and watch as your relationships flourish and thrive.

P.S. Download the free worksheet to help remove the frustration from your relationship.

Talk again soon

Belinda Pieterse — ReDefine