Is Love Really Enough?
We all have this dream. Find the right person, fall in love and live happily ever after. After all, as long as we have a deep-rooted love for each other, what else do we need?
Somehow we hold this firm belief that love is enough. With love on our side, we can conquer the entire world.
But is love truly enough?
From personal experience, I know that no one gets involved in a relationship or marries with the sole purpose of separation or divorce later on.
We enter into a marriage with the purest intention to love until death do us part.
We all expected love to carry us through the deepest valley and above the highest mountain.
We trusted love to be our magic wand, clearing the path to happily ever after.
And then, suddenly or not so suddenly, reality hits.
The love in our hearts, which we so strongly trusted in, loses its power to glue us together for eternity.
Our fairytale story ends, and we face the painful reality that love was never enough.
When we fall in love, we are captivated by its beauty, and most of the time, all logical reasoning flies out the window.
We forget all the other aspects needed to make a relationship strong and everlasting.
In every article I read about what is most important in a relationship, they mention things like honesty, trust, respect, affection, open communication and a whole lot more.
But not once was love mentioned, not even one time, and I read quite a few articles.
We view love as the beginning and the end, the magical ingredient with superpowers to solve any problem.
But truth be told, no matter how deep the love in our hearts is, falling in love is only the beginning.
Love brings us together, but it will not bind us together.
And I think part of it is that our definition and understanding of love are flawed, and we forget that love needs expression in ways that will make us feel appreciated, accepted and valued.
For instance, men have this inborn need to be respected, supported and admired. A man wants purpose in the relationship. A man wants to lead and, in that, grow more and more into their role as a provider, protector and priest.
On the other hand, women want to be understood, listened to, and cared for, and perhaps the most important — commitment. A woman wants to feel safe and secure in her relationship, and she wants to know that she is a priority.
If any of these things are missing, frustration, resentment, and anger will eat away at the love we deeply hold in our hearts.
Love will make way for hopelessness, and in the end, the fairy tale life we so desired ends in ashes.
With this, I do not say that love has no value.
But it is time to face the reality that love alone is not enough to carry us through the darkest times in our lives.
Love alone is not enough when we feel alone and not understood or unappreciated.
Love alone is not enough; it needs expression in a way we will understand, feel, and believe it.
Even if someone says “I love you” a million times a day, it won’t be enough if you need support, respect, understanding, safety, or anything else missing.
Love alone will not be enough.
No matter how sincere and authentic their intentions are, your heart will wander and grow uncertain.
Love is the beginning, but only the beginning.
To make a relationship work takes courage, commitment, a willful decision and hard work from both parties.
It requires putting in the time and effort to listen to one another. To hear what is going on in each other’s hearts, understand it as best we can and find a way to express our love in such a way that it will bring fulfilment and happiness.
Do not fall for the trap where you think your love is more than enough because it is not.
Talk again soon
Belinda Pieterse — ReDefine