How to Stop Seeking Validation and Start Loving Yourself

Do you feel like your worth is tied to others’ approval? No matter what you do, it only feels real when someone else acknowledges it.

Many of us fall into the trap of seeking validation, believing that our value depends on external praise.

But here’s the truth: you don’t need anyone’s permission to be enough.

The Cycle of Seeking Validation

Think about the last time you accomplished something meaningful.

Maybe you completed a challenging project at work, shared your thoughts on social media, or made an important decision in your personal life.

How did you feel afterwards? Did you immediately check for feedback or wait anxiously for a response?

If so, this is a sign of external validation seeking.

From childhood, we are taught to look outside ourselves for approval.

Parents, teachers, and society reward good behaviour with praise, and over time, this conditioning makes us crave recognition.

But when validation becomes a necessity rather than a bonus, it can control our emotions and self-perception.

Why Do We Seek Validation?

At its core, seeking validation is about fear—fear of rejection, fear of not being enough, and fear of not belonging.

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to achievement, appearance, or how well we meet others’ expectations.

When approval from others dictates how we see ourselves, we become trapped in an endless cycle of seeking external reassurance. This can leave us feeling empty and disconnected from our true selves.

Relying on external validation makes our self-worth fragile—it fluctuates depending on what others say or do. If we don’t receive the response we crave, we begin to doubt ourselves.

This is why the shift to self-love is so crucial.

Seeking validation doesn’t just affect your self-worth—it can also place immense strain on your relationships. 

When you constantly look to others to validate you, it can create pressure, making them feel responsible for your emotional state. 

Over time, this can lead to frustration, resentment, or even emotional exhaustion in relationships. 

Instead of fostering connection, validation-seeking can push people away, making it harder to build deep, meaningful bonds.

The Harm of Constant Validation-Seeking

When we rely on external approval, we give others power over our self-worth. This leads to:

Anxiety and insecurity: The fear of not being enough keeps us trapped in an endless cycle of people-pleasing.

Loss of authenticity: We make choices based on what others want instead of what truly aligns with us.

Emotional exhaustion: Constantly seeking approval is draining and unsustainable.

Stagnation: You may avoid taking risks or making bold choices out of fear that they won’t be well-received.

Strained relationships: Relying on others for validation can create emotional dependence, making it difficult to build healthy, balanced connections. Relationships thrive when both individuals feel secure in themselves rather than looking to one another for constant reassurance.

So how do we break free?

Shifting from Validation-Seeking to Self-Love

Identify Your Triggers

Start noticing when and why you seek validation. Is it when you post on social media? When making a big decision? Understanding your patterns is the first step to breaking them.

Reframe Your Thoughts

Instead of asking, “What will people think?” shift your mindset to “What do I think?” Begin trusting your judgment and intuition.

Practice Self-Acknowledgment

Every day, take a moment to affirm yourself without waiting for someone else to do it. Write down what you’re proud of, whether big or small. Your effort matters—even if no one sees it.

Set Goals Based on Your Values

Instead of living for others’ approval, ask yourself: What do I truly want? Align your goals with your values, not external expectations.

Embrace Discomfort

Breaking free from validation-seeking can feel uncomfortable at first. But discomfort is often the doorway to growth. The more you practice self-validation, the stronger it becomes.

Create Boundaries Around Social Media & External Opinions

If social media is a major source of validation-seeking for you, consider taking breaks or setting limits. Ask yourself why you’re posting—are you sharing something meaningful, or are you looking for likes and comments to feel worthy?

Similarly, limit how much external input you allow on personal decisions. It’s great to seek advice, but at the end of the day, your choices should be your own.

Develop a Strong Inner Dialogue

Become your own biggest supporter. Replace self-doubt with affirmations like:

• I am enough just as I am.
• My worth is not defined by others’ opinions.
• I trust my own decisions and intuition.

You Are Already Enough

Your worth isn’t something to be proven—it already exists within you. It’s time to stop looking outward for approval and start looking inward for acceptance.

When you develop self-validation, your relationships also benefit. Without the pressure of needing constant approval, you can show up more authentically and connect with others in a healthier, more balanced way. Instead of seeking reassurance, you build trust and mutual support, strengthening the bonds that truly matter.

You’ve spent enough time letting others define your worth. It’s time to take it back. 

So today, I invite you to take one small step.

What is one thing you love about yourself today? Share it in the comments—or simply say it out loud and claim it as your truth.

Talk again soon

Belinda Basson

P.S. If this resonated with you, I invite you to sign up for my newsletter for more stories, tips, and inspiration. Don’t let the world define you—let’s ReDefine together.