How To Permanently Change Harmful Beliefs

Past pain and hurt are more valuable than we think.

The road after my failed marriage was filled with heartache and self-doubt, leaving me uncertain as I entered my current relationship.

However, I found the courage to confront my pain, take steps towards healing, and embrace personal growth.

It was one of the hardest yet most fulfilling journyes of my life.

A journey that brought me to a place of confidently living my passion — to help people move beyond their pain and hurt and step into a happy future with boldness and confidence.

In this blog post, I will share my transformative journey, delving deeper into the questions I asked myself during reflection.

Through this process, I discovered valuable lessons that helped me find my unique place in my present relationship.

What did I learn from my failed marriage?

My past relationship taught me an invaluable lesson that love alone is not enough for a strong partnership.

Reflecting on my previous marriage allowed me to gain valuable insights into what worked and what didn’t.

I realized the importance of compatibility, shared values, and emotional maturity.

Finding someone who aligns with my beliefs and life goals is crucial. This shared foundation provides a stable platform for a lasting connection.

I learned that communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship.

Expressing emotions, thoughts, and needs openly and honestly is all-important.

Freely and safely expressing your innermost feelings, thinking, and needs will build an intimate and unbreakable connection between you and the one you love.

Without communication, misunderstandings can fester and create unnecessary distance between partners.

Moreover, I understood that self-love and self-respect are essential foundations for any healthy relationship.

How did I apply these lessons in my current relationship?

With this newfound self-awareness, I approached my current relationship with intention and mindfulness.

I prioritized open communication, ensuring my partner and I felt safe expressing ourselves freely.

Considering my past, communication is something that I need to stay intentional about. If I do not, I will easily fall back into old habits of keeping to myself. And I am not willing to sacrifice the closeness that developed between us.

By discussing our values early on, we established a strong understanding of each other’s core principles, which brought us closer together.

We both understood the importance of self-growth and supporting each other’s journeys.

Together, we built a relationship based on mutual respect and emotional vulnerability.

What can I do differently in the future?

Looking to the future, I recognized the significance of addressing personal issues that might affect my relationship.

I committed to self-improvement and growth, understanding that my happiness and well-being are essential for any healthy partnership.

I also acknowledged the role of conflict in relationships.

Instead of fearing disagreements, I vowed to see them as opportunities for growth and resolution.

I learned to approach conflicts with empathy and active listening, seeking to understand my partner’s perspective while expressing my own.

To ensure a better future, I committed to recognizing and addressing any patterns of behaviour or communication issues that contributed to the downfall of my failed marriage.

What new skills did I learn?

Through the process of healing, I developed self-awareness.

By understanding my emotions and reactions, I am more adept at managing them effectively.

It allows me to respond thoughtfully and empathetically to my partner’s feelings, fostering a deeper emotional connection.

Active listening became another essential skill I acquired, enabling me to be more present and supportive in my current relationship.

By truly listening to my partner’s words and emotions, I demonstrated respect and nurtured a sense of trust between us.

Throughout my healing process, I developed the ability to practice self-compassion.

Instead of blaming myself for past failures, I learned to forgive and nurture my inner self.

How did it help me grow personally?

Confronting my past allowed me to understand my fears, insecurities, and emotional triggers.

By facing these aspects of myself, I learned to be kinder to myself and cultivate a deeper sense of self-worth.

I learned to practice self-compassion and forgiveness, letting go of guilt or self-blame for past mistakes.

Confronting my past and working towards healing allowed me to break free from the negative beliefs holding me back.

As I grew personally, I noticed positive changes in my relationships with friends, family, and colleagues.

The healing process extended beyond my romantic partnership and influenced all areas of my life.

What did I learn about myself?

Through introspection, I discovered my strengths and weaknesses, especially areas where I needed to set boundaries.

I understood the importance of self-care and self-respect, recognizing that I struggle to be cared for and how to manage that fear in my new relationship.

Understanding my triggers and insecurities allowed me to communicate my needs more effectively.

I learned to express myself authentically, unafraid of vulnerability, and this vulnerability strengthened the emotional bond between my partner and me.

What did I learn about the other person/event?

Reflecting on past relationships helped me discern unhealthy behaviours and warning signs I might have overlooked.

I now understand the significance of recognizing red flags early on, setting boundaries and the importance of open, honest communication.

Understanding past events and their impact on my emotional well-being allowed me to address unresolved feelings and move forward with a clearer perspective.

How can I ensure not to make the same mistakes again?

I remain committed to ongoing self-awareness and self-improvement.

I understand that growth is continuous and that a successful relationship requires constant effort and investment.

By learning from my past experiences, I can approach my current relationship with wisdom and discernment.

I am more attuned to what I truly need in my relationship and better equipped to recognize when a relationship may not be a healthy fit.

I continuously work on maintaining open communication and expressing my feelings and expectations while encouraging my partner to do the same.

This ongoing effort helps us nurture a healthy and honest connection.

A final word of encouragement

Reflecting on the above questions during my healing journey was an empowering process.

It allowed me to extract valuable lessons from my failed marriage and apply them to grow personally and nurture a healthy, fulfilling connection in my current relationship.

To those who seek to move past the pain and hurt from their past relationships, remember that healing is a courageous and transformative journey.

Embrace self-compassion and forgive yourself for any past mistakes. Acknowledge that your past does not define your worth or potential for happiness.

Allow yourself to learn and use that knowledge to build a better future.

Take the time to discover your authentic self, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize open communication in your relationships.

In this, you will create a foundation for a loving and fulfilling partnership.

Remember, you have the strength within you to overcome past struggles and embrace the happiness and love you deserve.

Your future is bright, and your journey to a healthy and happy relationship begins with the empowerment of your present self.

Talk again soon.

Belinda Pieterse — ReDefine Relationship Coach