How To Overcome Self-Rejection And Embrace Self-Love

Pain, trauma, and disappointment.

They often shape our lives, clouding our self-image and dictating how we perceive ourselves and the world. When faced with these harsh realities, our self-perception becomes distorted. We see ourselves as failures, not good enough, and unlovable.

The harsh irony is that we not only feel rejection from others but also reject ourselves because we don’t love the person staring back at us in the mirror. Many of us find it exceedingly difficult to say nice things about ourselves. Our minds become a playground for negative thoughts and self-deprecating words, all stemming from painful events, harsh opinions, and disappointing experiences in life.

However, we often overlook a crucial truth: we are worth so much more than our experiences or the opinions others hold of us. Even before conception, an identity was spoken over us, declaring that we are perfect.

In coaching sessions, I often ask people to draw their timelines, visualising the hurtful events that caused this distorted self-image. I always stand amazed at how pain, hurt, disappointment, expectations, and the opinions of others distort their identities.

Not long ago, having coffee with a friend, she shared a life-changing revelation with me, which I would like to share with you. Our timeline doesn’t start at birth or the first instance of pain or disappointment. It starts way before that, even before we were born.

It all began when God decided the world needed a unique individual to make a specific impact. Our lifeline begins in Heaven, and our identity starts with who God proclaims we are, according to His image within us. I stood astonished at this revelation and had another revelation.

Worldly struggles and pains often distort this divine image. In crafty ways, the enemy attempts to steal, kill, and destroy this divine proclamation. Unfortunately, he succeeds. But the essence of my revelations was that the ‘abundant life’ Jesus promised us was not merely about wealth, success, or happiness. It’s about our restored identity, the identity God gave us before the world began, His image we carry in us.

Furthermore, our character is of utmost importance, as it is the only thing we will take to Heaven. It’s no wonder that the enemy is so desperate to destroy the beauty God placed in us. When he makes us think less of ourselves than what God has proclaimed, he cripples us. It prevents us from walking in the fullness of what God has for us and keeps us captive in disbelief. He makes us doubt our abilities and our impact on this world.

In essence, the enemy came to steal the only thing we can take to Heaven — our character, which is supposed to reflect His image. But because of all the pain, disappointment, and negativity from others, we fail to see and believe this truth for ourselves. We struggle to believe that He created us in His image and destined us to be His image bearers here on earth.

This struggle is not exclusive to non-believers. Even lifelong Christians often struggle to list five positive things about how God sees them. It shows how successful the enemy is in destroying, killing, and bringing death to the truth about who we are.

My deepest desire for us is to view ourselves through God’s eyes, embrace His thoughts about us, and accept this as the ultimate truth. Only then can we truly experience life in abundance, as intended from the start. Only then can we walk in the fullness God deeply desires for us.

We must understand that pain, trauma, and disappointment are not the end of our story. They are simply chapters in a much larger narrative that is still unfolding. When we face these challenges, we must remind ourselves of the greater truth — that we are beloved and cherished, created with a purpose.

By embracing this divine perspective, we can begin to heal from our wounds and step into the fullness of our identity. Imagine daily waking up knowing you are deeply loved and valued, not for what you’ve done, but for who you are. This mindset can transform how we see ourselves and engage with the world. Instead of seeing obstacles as insurmountable barriers, we can view them as opportunities for growth and refinement. We can face life confidently, assured that we are equipped with everything necessary to fulfil our divine purpose.

As we embark on this journey of rediscovering our identity, we will undoubtedly face resistance. The enemy does not want us to walk in this truth and will use every tactic to keep us from it. But by staying rooted in God’s word and holding fast to His promises, we can overcome these challenges and emerge more resilient.

Ultimately, the journey to reclaim our identity is a lifelong process. It requires patience, perseverance, and a willingness to confront the lies we have believed about ourselves. But as we do, we will experience a profound transformation. We will begin to see ourselves as God sees us — radiant, beloved, and full of potential. And in doing so, we will unlock the abundant life that Jesus promised, a life marked by joy, peace, and a deep sense of purpose.

Embrace this journey with an open heart and unwavering faith. Remember, you are not defined by your past but by the divine Love that created you. Let this truth guide, uplift, and inspire you to live fully in the beautiful identity God has bestowed upon you.

Talk again soon,

Belinda Basson — Your ReDefine Relationship Coach.

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