Dealing With Inner Conflict

Have you ever found yourself in an emotional tug-of-war where conflicting thoughts or feelings tear at you from the inside?

That inner struggle makes one feel torn, uncertain, and sometimes overwhelmed, and it is what we call internal conflict.

Internal conflict is a complex interplay of thoughts, emotions, and experiences and can have various causes.

Recognizing the causes of our inner conflict is the first step toward resolving it.

Then, it will be easier to take action and move from being overwhelmed to having control.

Here are some common reasons behind the emotional tug-of-war we so often experience:

Differing Values: When our core values and beliefs clash with a situation or decision, it can lead to inner conflict. For example, if honesty is a fundamental value, but we are in a position where honesty might hurt someone’s feelings or cause harm, we might feel torn and have difficulty deciding what to do.
Fear of Consequences: Fear of the outcomes of our choices can create inner conflict. We may want to take a particular path, but the fear of what might happen if we do can hold us back.
Mixed Emotions: Often, conflicting emotions are at the heart of inner conflict. We might love and care for someone deeply, but at the same time, we are angry or hurt by their actions.
Past Experiences: Past experiences can also contribute to inner struggles. Traumatic events, like previous failed marriages or relationships, can create inner turmoil when similar situations arise, leaving us uncertain and overwhelmed.
Social and Cultural Influences: Societal expectations and cultural norms often clash with our desires and beliefs. At this point, choosing between fitting in and remaining authentic to our true selves can become challenging. It may impose pressures that force us to balance what we want with their expectations.
Self-Doubt: Low self-esteem and self-doubt can magnify internal conflict, leaving us to doubt our abilities or worthiness in a particular situation.

All of us have felt the internal tug-of-war at some stage in our lives and experienced its effect on our relationships.

We need to recognize the presence of inner conflict and actively work towards addressing it, especially if we want to foster an intimate and unbreakable relationship.

Here are some of the effects our inner struggles can have on our relationship:

Emotional Distance: Inner conflict can cause emotional turmoil, and if not addressed, it may result in emotional distance between ourselves and the one we love. This emotional distancing can lead to feelings of detachment and isolation in the relationship.
Increased Tension: Unresolved inner conflicts often manifest as heightened emotional tension. This tension can lead to frequent arguments, irritability, and a generally tense atmosphere within the relationship.
Insecurity and Jealousy: Inner conflict can breed insecurity and jealousy. If uncertain or conflicted about our feelings or desires, we may become more prone to jealousy or suspicious behaviour, damaging trust in the relationship.
Stagnation: In some cases, unresolved inner conflict can result in stagnation in a relationship. We may avoid addressing issues or making important decisions, leading to a lack of progress or growth in our relationship.
Resentment: If we feel unheard or unsupported in our struggles, it becomes easy to feel resentment towards our partner.
Potential for Escalation: If the inner conflict is related to past trauma or unresolved issues, it may escalate over time and affect the overall stability of the relationship, potentially leading to its breakdown.

Dealing with inner conflict as a couple can be challenging and even overwhelming, especially if we are unsure how to approach it in our relationships.

However, dealing with internal conflict is just as important as dealing with external conflict in our relationships.

It is essential if we want to grow healthy and happy relationships.

As a couple, we can use some of the following strategies to navigate and address inner conflict:

Open and Honest Communication: Encourage open, non-judgmental, and empathetic communication. Create a safe space where both feel comfortable sharing thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of criticism or blame.
Active Listening: That means giving our full attention, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting on what we’ve heard to ensure we understand our partner correctly.
Seek to Understand: We need to listen to our partner’s heart and not only their words. What values, beliefs, or past experiences are contributing to the struggles? Understanding the underlying factors can lead to more effective resolution.
Empathy and Compassion: Approach each other with empathy and compassion. Recognizing internal struggles and a compassionate attitude can foster emotional closeness.
Validate Each Other: Validate our partner’s feelings and experiences, even if we don’t necessarily agree with them, is a powerful skill. Acknowledging their emotions can help them feel heard and understood, which will develop deeper emotional connection and intimacy.
Conflict Resolution Skills: We must know and understand the truth about conflict. That conflict is not a battlefield. It is a playground for understanding, growth, and building unshakable love. Then, we can explore, learn, and grow together. For this, we need to learn and practice healthy conflict resolution skills, such as compromise, negotiation, and finding win-win solutions. Avoid destructive behaviours like blaming or shouting.
Time and Patience: Understand that resolving inner conflicts may take time. It’s okay to take breaks when discussions become too intense. Patience and persistence are key.
Shared Goals: Identify shared goals and values as a couple. If we clearly understand what we want to achieve together, it can help resolve conflicts that arise along the way.
Accept Differences: We must remember that we are unique individuals with unique perspectives and experiences. And that it is okay to have these differences. The key is how we deal with those differences together.
Self-Care: Self-care activities can include mindfulness, meditation, exercise, or hobbies that help reduce stress and anxiety. Self-care is crucial to our overall well-being.
Revisit and Reflect: Revisiting the issues that caused inner conflict to see if perspectives or feelings have changed is essential. Reassessing and reflecting on them can lead to growth and understanding.
Therapy or Counseling: The key is not to give up on resolving internal conflict. Seeking the help of a therapist or counsellor might be helpful in such a situation where it seems impossible to resolve internal conflict on your own. Professional guidance can provide tools and strategies for addressing inner conflicts and improving communication.

Internal conflict is often the reason for the frustrations we feel in our relationships.

Therefore, it is vital to actively commit to resolving these internal conflicts before they bring destruction to our relationship.

We must remember that addressing internal conflict is a powerful act of love. It’s a testament to our commitment to growth and desire for a healthy, happy, and harmonious partnership.

If we keep moving forward, one step at a time will undoubtedly lead to a deeper, more fulfilling connection in our relationships.

Talk again soon.

Belinda Pieterse — ReDefine Relationship Coach