When traditions feel like traps.

Traditions are the heartbeat of the holiday season.

They’re what we look forward to year after year, offering a sense of familiarity and connection.

But let’s be honest — sometimes, those traditions feel more like traps.

The joy they once brought fades, replaced by frustration, stress, or resentment.

This holiday season, I want to invite you to rethink your traditions.

What if they could evolve with you, reflecting who you are now and what matters most to you and your loved ones?

What if, instead of feeling bound by them, you felt liberated and inspired by the moments you choose to create?

When Traditions Become Traps

For years, my mother-in-law upheld a Christmas tradition of cold meats, salads, and trifle pudding.

She invited the entire family, and while that sounded wonderful, the reality was often far from it.

We would spend hours standing in the kitchen, prepping food, even when the weather called us to the beach.

The day felt more like an obligation than a celebration.

I could see the strain it placed on everyone, especially my children.

The tradition became so rigid and frustrating that it eventually left my son dreading Christmas altogether.

At the time, it felt like there was no choice but to keep going.

After all, that’s what families do, right?

But looking back, I realize that clinging to this tradition did more harm than good.

It taught me that when traditions no longer serve their purpose — bringing joy, connection, and meaning — it’s okay to let them go.

Redefining What Matters Most

Letting go of a tradition isn’t easy, especially when tied to family or long-standing expectations.

But it’s not about rejecting the past; it’s about creating space for something that aligns with your present.

I started by asking myself some tough but necessary questions:

• Why does this tradition matter to me?
• Does it bring me joy, or does it feel like a burden?
• Does it reflect my values and priorities now?

For me, the answers were clear.

What I wanted wasn’t a day spent in the kitchen — it was time spent together, laughing, connecting, and making memories.

So, we began to shift.

Instead of cold meats and trifles, we started exploring simpler ways to celebrate.

We traded frustration for freedom, rigidity for spontaneity, and expectations for meaningful experiences.

A Christmas That ReDefined Connection

The Christmas that meant the most to my family happened unexpectedly. It was the first Christmas after my divorce, and a friend and I decided on a whim to make an oxtail potjie for Christmas Day.

The day before, I invited my daughter and son to join us, not expecting much. To my surprise, they said yes.

What followed was a day filled with unplanned joy, laughter, and connection.

We lounged by the pool, gathered around a barn fire, and watched the potjie simmer with growing excitement.

Later that evening, as we shared the meal, we talked about our hopes and dreams for the coming year.

No agenda, no plan — just being present and truly connecting.

That Christmas was one of the most memorable I’ve ever experienced.

It wasn’t about the food or the setting; it was about the freedom to be with the people I loved.

Now, I am in another new season, building fresh traditions with my husband.

It’s our first Christmas married and alone.

I’m not entirely sure what our traditions will look like yet, but I know they’ll reflect this chapter of my life — grown children, a quieter home, and the opportunity to embrace joy in new ways.

Creating New Traditions

ReDefining traditions helped to create new ones that felt more like us. Instead of prepping for hours, we began packing simple picnics and heading to the beach.

We let go of the idea of a perfect meal and embraced the joy of imperfect moments — sand between our toes, laughter over mismatched snacks, and the freedom to just be.

New traditions don’t have to replace old ones entirely.

Sometimes, they can complement them or evolve them into something better.

Here are some ideas to inspire your journey:

• Acts of kindness: Spend part of your holiday giving back, whether through volunteering or creating care packages together.
• Reflection rituals: Take a family walk where each person shares their favourite memory of the year.
• Memory-building activities: Start a holiday scrapbook or write letters to open next Christmas.

The beauty of creating new traditions is that they’re uniquely yours, designed to reflect your values, journey, and family’s needs.

Overcoming the Fear of Change

Changing traditions can feel daunting, especially when you worry about how others might react.

I’ve been there — the fear of letting someone down, the concern that breaking from tradition might cause conflict.

What I’ve learned is this: traditions should be tools for connection, not chains that bind you.

When approached with love and clear communication, most people will understand the “why” behind the change.

Start by sharing your heart.

Explain to your loved ones, what you want to create and why it matters.

Often, the people who love you will want to support a tradition that brings you joy and strengthens your relationships.

A Season That Reflects You

The holidays are an opportunity to pause, reflect, and reconnect.

Not just with others but with yourself.

Traditions should enhance that experience, not overshadow it.

This year, I encourage you to take a moment to ask yourself:

• What truly matters to me this season?
• What moments will bring me closer to the people I love?
• What memories do I want to create?

Let’s make this a season where our traditions reflect our values, where our celebrations bring joy, and where we let go of what no longer serves us. Together, we can create holidays that are meaningful, personal, and deeply fulfilling.

What’s one tradition you might ReDefine or create this year? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Let’s inspire each other to make this holiday season one to remember.

Talk again soon,

Belinda

P.S. If this blog resonated with you, I invite you to sign up for my newsletter for more stories, tips, and inspiration to help you redefine your relationships and rediscover yourself. Don’t let the world define you — let’s ReDefine together.